True Love

True love to me is being woken up by my husband gathering me close. True love is having all my children a jumble of legs and arms, sleeping on my bedroom floor, just so they can be close to me. I can not remember a time in my life where I have ever doubted that I was loved, by someone. And in todays world that is a blessing. A REAL blessing.
I am a good mom. Not a making breakfast from scratch every morning kind of mom. But a mom who loves my children so much, that when they hurt I can feel it deep in my bones. I am a decent wife. I am NOT great. I love him, love him so much that in my sleep I will reach to touch him. His arm, back. Something, just to know that he is there. Still. Next to me. I am not wonderful. I get angry. I yell. I don't always make a healthy dinner, and I forget a lot. But there are things that are burned in my mind. Things that shout how much I love him. When I was pregnant, and SOUND asleep, and woke up in a panic, I KNEW something was wrong. I called his phone 15 times before the paramedic answered and said, yes, he was in an accident. But he would be ok. I knew. I felt something was wrong.
 When Barbara was sick. I sat next to his dad, I held his hand while he filled out the paperwork for her to go to hospice. For us to give up the fight. I fought for them. Because I love them. I remember holding her hand and promising her that I would look after her baby boy. That I would love ALL of her boys. I would take care of them. I told her that I would be with her til the end. I wouldn't leave. I called funeral homes. I filled out paperwork at hospice because no one else could. I held her boys when they cried. I loved her. I don't remember who walked into the room and said she was gone. I just remember falling to my knees, with my head in my hands, and sobbing. It was a pain I had not felt since my Grandma died. I knew she was dying. I saw it. But seeing that she was gone. I couldn't stand it. Kevin's cousin Josh drove me home to get Kevin. He had gone home to sleep for work. I know he was thinking if he wasn't there she wouldn't leave. But she did. And I will never forget walking into our bedroom and watching him sleep. All I could think is he still thinks he has his mom. Once I wake him he won't. Ever again. I have to break his heart. I have to deliver the worst news no kid ever wants to hear. Its all on me. As soon as his sweet green eyes opened you could see the moment of realization. The moment he was processing it all. Then he just deflated. He knew it. No words had to be spoken. He knew she was gone. We all struggled. That was a hard year. I learned to love REALLY strong. I learned to love like you don't have tomorrow. Because you might not.
 Then I had a stroke. I vowed to get healthy. I didn't. I told myself, I quit smoking, I NEVER drink alcohol. I shouldn't have to give up my food and coca-cola. I deserve them. A year almost to the day I had another stroke. Again I vowed to get healthy. And I did. For a month or so. Then I reverted back to my old ways. And here I am. 31 years old. Barb has been gone for 2 years in a few days. I haven't changed. I woke up to write all these things I remember and love about life. And instead it has hit me. If I don't change, MY girls will be cremating me. I may not make it through another stroke. I have to change. I love my husband, kids and family. But obviously I do not love myself. Because if I did, I wouldn't be the way I am. I wouldn't be 200 pounds overweight. I would be healthy and active. I need to learn to love myself, so I can be around longer and love my family even stronger.

a FUN filled weekend

This past weekend kicked our butt! Friday, Izzy and I went to Walmart for the midnight release of Breaking Dawn.We stood in line and had a LOT of fun! Then we woke up on Saturday and cooked a big breakfast. Kevins' dad stayed the night Friday. So my kids were excited that they woke up to grandpa!
We had to get moving soon after waking up and go to Kevins brothers to work on his yard. What we thought was going to be a two hour job, ended up taking us ALL DAY! By the end of the night we were soooo exhausted we could hardly keep our heads up!
All of the following pictures chronicle the weekend. More are sure to follow as this weekend, Kevins Grandpa is coming up for a visit from California. Lots of fun to follow FOR SURE!

Luke LOVED the dirt!

Kevins brother Billy and his wife with Samantha. Billy was working hard!

The whole family sitting down for lunch. We weren't even halfway done!

This is Grandpa with all the Grandkids. Even Alani calls him Grandpa. He is such a WONDERFUL man!

This pic is too cute not to explain. The little girl sitting next to Luke is Alani. We have known her since Luke was a newborn. Luke tells anyone that asks, that Alani is his girlfriend.

update: we are a 3 dog home now......diffrent than I expected

Ok so here is the update. Yesterday afteroon the neighbors came home. (same neighbors we got Maiah from.) They have been leaving Ropa in the house at ALL TIMES because she breaks out and comes over to play with Fancy and Maiah. Well, they got home, the mom yelled, and Ropa ran out and into my yard. Then I found out what happened. Ropa tore up the blinds in their house. So they offered us Ropa. At first I was ready to say YES! But then I started doubting myself. Kevin came home and I filled him in. I was arguing the point that they need ALL their shots, spayed, wormed, etc. We also would have to build up the fence. Ropa hops it like its only 2 feet tall! Kevin said "Lets keep her. Then we are done." I laughed. OK We have 3 dogs and 3 kids.
But Ropa needs a new name. Any ideas? She is destructive and VERY hyper. I walked her and Maiah yesterday and I don't know who was more tired, me or them. But I guess the positive is, I have a reason to wake up and go on long walks now! Thats something!!!

The saga of a 3 child home and only 2 dogs!

  

Ok. Now growing up we always had just one dog. First was Toby, then Boomer, then Gabby. But always just one at a time. We currently have 2. This pic is of Fancy. She is Izzy's. Period. She LOVES Izzy and would go into a burning building for her. I think its funny that the dogs

have favorites. But they do!

Here is Fancy and Izzy cuddling. They have an unbreakable bond..

Here is Maiah. She is Kaylee's. She LOVES her. Funny how they pic their own kid!

This pic shows Luke happily holding onto both of "his" dogs. I think the only reason he likes sissies going to school is he gets the dogs to himself!

This is Kaylee with HER Uncle Dale. She has a special bond with him....They are ALOT alike!
So to explain the last picture I am going to post, you have to hear this. Uncle Dale and Aunt Yvonne are staying with us while they wait for their apartment to get ready. They have a small dog named Achillies. He is a BOY! Who do you think Achillies picked?

Yep! He picked Luke. They play, sleep together, EVERYTHING! Achillies LOVES Luke. Uncle Dale told us today that they are moving tomarrow. My sweet little Luke said, " Mom, they aren't taking Achillies are they?" I responded, "Yes baby, he is their dog." Luke started crying and held Achillies tight. "No Mom! He is MY dog! He's a boy just like me!" I feel so guilty! I had no clue that Luke and Achillies would fall in love like they have. I told Luke that maybe for my birthday I will get a small dog like Achillies. He looked at me with tear filled eyes and said, "But can he be Achillies mom? Can you give Uncle Dale a new one and I will keep the old Achillies?" Gulp........Sometimes it SUCKS to be Mom, and have to give your little ones bad news! I will fill you all in on the saga of Achillies soon! Say a prayer!

Our fun day

Luke and I cooked cupcakes today. He LOVED it! He thought it was the coolest thing that he got to stir. He's laughing at the bottom picture because his spoon fell in. He is so cute!

This is Luke posing for the camera. He told me "Take my picture mom."So I took it and then showed it to him. He respnded, " I look cool!"



I have to agree. He truly is one of the most handsome little men in the whole world.



Today, Luke and I cooked cupcakes. We had a good time. He thought it was sooo funny that his spoon kept falling into the cupcake batter. I am so happy that I caught him laughing. Its a priceless picture! When the girls got home from school

I look at my son and feel like I am the most lucky mom in the world. And then I look at my girls and I feel the same way but times 3. I truly wish that I could have these wonderful children as CHILDREN forever. Izzy is already so grown.  I wonder how I will feel in 4 years, if I will
want 10 back. Right now I am so happy with my life. The circumstances in my life aren't perfect, but the happiness that I feel when I look at my children, makes my life seem happy.

Update on last blog

Ok, sorry that it took me so long to update everyone, but here is what I have found out. The news said that the police are looking for a suspicious vehicle wanted for questioning in a drive by shooting. Ok. What happened to the person you may be asking. I looked on the news service here online for our local newspaper and it says that a person was shot in a drive by shooting. It gave the correct adress, went on to talk about the vehicle wanted in the crime, and said that the person was released from the hospital of Saturday. So at least no one was seriously injured. That is good. I am sure if more information is found I will pass it all on to you. I have to get going to the store with my hubby. We are going to Home Depot. So much fun I can barely contain myself! Love to all!

CRAZY, SCARY NITE!

What do you get when you move a small town girl to a big city? A scared, terrified, trembling small town girl. O.K. let me be specific. Tognite was going great. The kids and I had a good time going to Petsmart and buying new things for the dogs. And then we came home and had pizza. (Kevin went with his dad to celebrate their first week of work.) The next thing that I know it is 11 p.m. Kevin and his dad are STILL gone, and guess what! GUNSHOTS! CLOSE! I know, I know... I am not unuse (is that a word?) to gunshots, but the only time I heard them back home, it was hunting season or someone was shooting at targets. The only "season" there is here in Vegas, is drugs, gangs, I don't even know what else. So, of COURSE, I call the police. They got here quick (something that would take a lot longer in small town usa), but that still didn't make me feel better. The officer told me that they thought they had found the house. Someone shot at a house. I was SHAKING! That could have been MY house. I know that no one in my house is involved with drugs, gangs or anything REMOTELY like that, but it still COULD HAVE BEEN ME! Just as I was thanking my lucky stars that I have my dogs, the operator from the police station calls and says that they shot a PERSON! OMG! It was right down the street! I called Kevin and he is on his way. But what is a dog going to do against a GUN?! Nothing! Thats what. I told Kevin that we need to move. He says not to worry. We don't have any enemies. Or do anything that would get us mixed up in that stuff. I DON'T FEEL BETTER! I want to move out of Vegas. I am not so nieve to think that there isn't any crime in my hometown. I know that there is. But I don't like living in a place where on a daily basis my husband tells me, "That's a gang banger. See the colors he's wearing and the signs he is throwing up?" OK you all know me. I honestly didn't know that you only wear certain colors in certain gangs. I guess, I look pretty silly. But I honestly CAN'T TAKE THIS CRAP! Sorry, I know that this blog is usually a happy blog about my kids, but I needed something to do with my hands instead of bite my nails. So, I will end this blog with I hope everyone is safe and sound in their homes right now. And say a prayer that the person who was hurt will be ok. I know she/he will be in my prayers tognite. God Bless us all!